I don’t typically believe in waking a sleeping baby, but today was an exception to the rule. 🙂 I wanted to drive to the apple orchard and farmer’s market for some crisp apples and local produce. So, I woke Juder from his sweet slumber in the late afternoon, and we headed out.
We shopped for our goods and made our way toward the cash register. Jude was climbing out of the cart, and Zeke was begging for candy— just a typical grocery experience with the boys. As I started placing my purchases on the counter, the cashier said, “you look tired”, which I guess is just the state I operate in these days. Yipes.
Anyway, the lady proceeds to point to my belly and asks me if we know what gender the baby is. I say, “Yes! We are having boy,” with a smile on my face. She glances over at Zeke & Jude and musters out a bummed, “Ohhhhhh. I’m sorry.”
I think I gave her some weird look and waited a few seconds for the “JUST KIDDING!!!” but there wasn’t one. She legit felt sorry for me that the blessing I was carrying is the same gender as my other two blessings.
So, even with a little feistiness in my spirit, I told her how excited we are to have another boy, and I thought it would be nice of me to give her a chance to redeem herself. I’m all about giving a sista some GRACE. But….she proceeds to tell me how great it was to raise her two daughters. Cleary, she thinks I am missing out big time! Anywhoo…I left the market with my two little boy blessings and got them snug in their car seats.
During the drive home, I couldn’t stop thinking about this woman’s response. I guess all I kept thinking was “please don’t refer to my blessing as a bummer.”
What this woman doesn’t know is that Justin and I have miscarried two babies. The last miscarriage was right before we conceived the little one in my belly. From the beginning of my current pregnancy, I’ve referred to this baby as my ‘redeemer baby’. Due to my recent miscarriage, I was monitored closely during the beginning of this pregnancy. When I was five weeks along, my nurse told me told me that I was ‘extremely likely to miscarry again’ based on my bloodwork. Things kept progressing. At 14 weeks, we had a scare and thought we lost the baby. All appears well, and things keep progressing. So, I guess what I am trying to say is, our fertility journey has completely changed my perspective on all of this gender stuff. We are simply thankful to be pregnant AGAIN. I fully trust that God knows what He’s doing when He determines the gender of our children. (Aaaaand… apparently I am destined to be the QUEEN of this house! Wahooo!)
So, when my little dude kicks me during the day, I don’t wish he was anyone else but little one God is knitting in my womb. And when I see his face for the first time, there will be no other baby I’ll want to replace that little face with. I know that the minute we meet this little guy, he will have a perfect place in our family, making our family complete.
So, for my home girl back at the market…please keep your “I’m sorry’s” for my friends who have been struggling for years to get pregnant. Please keep them for my friends who have been through the ringer dealing with their children’s delicate medical issues, and for my friends who have suffered the painful loss of a child. As for me, my blessing is not a bummer.